T2,

Read back on texts from a year ago with ex.
No wonder I hate this time of year even more now. He was (and probably still is) such a disaster. As soon as I called him out on his behavior, he turned everything around on me, over and over again. So it couldn't possibly be him; it must be me.
I think I just wanted so badly to "fix" it and make it like it was before, before it all went to complete and total ****.
And then some days I feel like I should have done more, tried harder somehow. I don't even really know what that means. But I feel like I failed him (and myself) completely. (Which makes no sense.)