Hey Wander. I am so grateful you made the call when you did. I know you hate the hospital, but the part of your brain that is working to fight for you knew you'd be safe there.

Nammu is right. You have to try to challenge your brain when the faulty thoughts arrive. When they come up, don't entertain them. Recognize them for what they are and then do something to occupy your mind. When intrusive thoughts pop up in my mind I say NO and then I sing a song in my head until I am calm again. Sometimes I have to repeat the song a few times, but I keep playing the song in my head over and over until my thought pattern changes. Technically speaking I believe music is stored in another part of the brain and it engages area of memory recall that are different than the area of the brain managing the intrusive thoughts. It helps me to think about what I'm trying to achieve scientifically. It all feels a bit more medical and less unique and scary to me that way.

Keep posting and write whatever you want. Tell us a story. Tell us about what the room you're in looks like. Tell us what they fed you for dinner. Tell us what you notice about the people around you. Whatever. Just occupy your mind somehow by engaging your senses and by being present in the current moment. Grounding and using your senses also helps with the anxiety and repeating thoughts.

We are here for you. Don't give up!!!