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Sounds like the issue is really not JUST about doing things for yourself but doing things for yourself without making is about getting approval from others.
My take on this is that approval from others can be about needing what you do to be VALIDATED by others. Basically approval is a form of validation. I have personally found that learning to "self-validate" helps to relieve the NEED to be validated BUT it is ALWAYS NICE to get others approval.
Most of my growing up & even in school, doing an outstanding job was more because I grew up with less educated parents & back in those days....education meant rising above what you grew up as. So determination to better myself was a huge part of my drive while my parents didn't encourage education, only my dad discouraged college.....so in SPITE I was determined to get my degree & have a successful career.
Sometimes when we have to fight for something we want we realize that we are doing it for ourselves & not anyone else's approval. Ok.....my dad had a little approval once I graduated with my BS & started my computer engineering career. But he never said anything about it but he & my mom willingly took care of my daughter while I was working long hours.
I have found in my own situation that when I do give of myself to do things for others, they are more willing to give of themselves to help me when needed. But I have found that in my case, sometimes I would do for others & leave things for myself undone. At the end of a project, I would then give time to myself to catch up on the things I need to do for me & feel ok about saying I can't help others at that time unless it is a small project....that issue can be about boundaries not approval or validation.
So much goes into this & the thinking involved.....therapy is a great help is sorting through the thoughts
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Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
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