It's hard to remember what being proud of myself feels like. I think most of us are here because of the toxic messages we received while growing up. I always heard that nothing I did was ever good enough, that I was annoying and constantly in the way, that anything I did succeed in was simply expected and anything I failed in was a world-shattering disaster. I'm working hard to get past this, but so far I haven't had much success. That black hole materializes, especially at this time of the year, and it's my own mind that creates it.