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alexandra_k said:
I always laugh when you say 'my therapist has many fine and useful qualities'. I guess I used to read that as your really really really really trying to be charitable. And now I read it as a kind of acceptance and resignation and kinda making the best of the way things are. Not sure how to convey the tone... I guess I still laugh a little. Maybe... The fondness. Thats what I missed before.

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Yes, there is so much fondness in that phrase. I say the same thing about my husband, usually when I am forced to think of his less than fine and useful qualities. I think I borrowed the phrase from "Thomas the Tank Engine", although I might have paraphrased it over time. In Thomas' world, its quite a compliment to be useful. It also probably expresses my natural tendency to value those I value, while acknowledging that they're also human with flaws and that they will likely hurt me from time to time. It's the overall picture, the overall valuing that means the most to me. So it reminds me, when I'm thinking of the less charming things about him, that I do value him overall.

He really liked the analogy. That's why I included it in my gift.

I gave him a Newfoundland card based on that thread here at Psych Central about what kind of dog your therapist would be if he were a dog. He really really liked the description I gave of why I chose him to be a Newfie. So the card pictured a Newfie, and the thank you inside used water rescue and caretaking imagery. Of course he'd forgotten that too, even though he grinned from ear to ear in pleasure when I first described it.

And he really liked the river flowing over the rock analogy too. He doesn't do a whole lot of long term therapy. But he's seen how much I've changed with it. And he liked the idea that slowly over time the moving water shapes and smooths the stone. And the other part is that the stone also has an effect on the water, smaller, but still there. I suppose the idea was to symbolize all the way he's helped me over time, and to acknowledge that I appreciate the value of what we've done. And maybe to encourage him at those times he may feel discouraged at my glacially slow progress. But I'd be the rock, I suppose. And in fact I chose a rock that still had imperfections and flaws, because I am by no means perfectly smooth yet.

I hope you're feeling better?