Hi,

I went back to my therapist last week after about a gap of 3 years when things had sort of broken down between us. I have been feeling pretty bad lately and went back out of desparation. I was also scared to go back but don't know what else to do. I am very shy and find it difficult to talk and say things or even be able to put these horrible feelings and things into words. She is asking me what I want out of therapy and maybe more importantly if I am willing to work with her? I don't know if it is just me but I am having a hard time trying to comprehend what that means and can't give a straight up answer. I can't give her an answer. I can't say yes and mean it or even say no as I simply don't know. Each time she asks I feel pressured by it and like I need to prove something to her. I've been asking her what she wants me to do and basically from what I can understand from it is she wants me to talk to her? That's what I am trying to do. It isn't easy for me and when things start going around in my head it makes it ten times worse. Initially when she asked me what I want out of therapy, deep down is something that I want from her, I want her to be there for me and care about me. I want her to understand what I am going through. But I don't know if she truly can. I don't know if there is any point in me going to therapy. I don't see much point in a lot things. I've to go back and see her next week and I am afraid it is going to turn out the same as before with her asking me this question and it is like an ultimatum which I don't have the answer and I don't want to answer.