Quote:
Originally Posted by AlexCL0730
As my NYC anniversary approaches, I've been reflecting a lot about my life here. I've been thinking a lot about how most of the time I feel like an outsider, like there's a veil that separates me from my surroundings, like all of this is just a really long, foggy dream.
Suddenly, I remembered the term "dissociation" that came across last year when I was in therapy for Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I finished my treatment in January and I haven't had any panic attacks since then, but this feeling of not-quite-feeling-like-my-life-is-real has been there almost daily.
I dug up some info and I feel like I can relate to some of the symptoms for some kind of dissociative disorder. I also took a test online and my score was slightly above the minimum for a possible dissociative disorder.
Here's the thing: when I go back home (in the Caribbean), everything goes away. I feel like I belong again, and everything feels so real: the sand between my toes, the sun against my skin, the sounds of insects singing in my backyard, my family's embrace, the light that floods my room, the breeze in the morning... I just wanna soak it all in before I leave. Then I come back to NYC, and everything feels unreal all over again.
Has anybody felt the same way? I don't quite feel like I have a disorder,... maybe it's just my body doing this as a coping mechanism to the fact that I can't move back home yet. But I'm not opposed to the possibility that I might have to go to therapy again if I need to (I actually loved my therapy process).
Anyway, just sharing my experience in the hopes I can understand better my feelings and what's happening to me.
Cheers
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here where I am and in my native American culture this is not called dissociation. here where I am and in my native American culture this is called culture shock...
kind of like a person who gets on an airplane and flies across country they will feel a bit out of it from crossing time zones and from the mountains to the desert and its called jet lag.
when someone from one location goes to another location and feels like things are strange and unreal its because the brain is trying to use the old location as a reference point, since the old location and the new location doesn't match theres a feeling of somethings not right here, I don't fit in, this just doesn't feel like "Home" to me, doesn't feel real.
the difference in dissociation and culture shock here where I am is that dissociation doesn't just happen because someone has moved to another location, it affects all areas of a persons life...
example I know that its dissociation and not culture shock when I am traveling or moving from the city to our country vacation home by the fact that not only am I feeling the vacation home feels unreal but so do the people who are normally in my life (my wife and children) not only am I feeling the location is detached from me but my service animal who is with me on a daily basis feels strange to me, like she is far away from me or her usual walk is like slow motion, that usual tooth paste that I use on a daily basis has no flavor or texture to me today.
where as its a culture shock for me not dissociation when there is no triggering factor that is causing me to feel numb and spaced out disconnected.