I had to revive this thread after thinking about it today.

I was doing my weekend cleaning that included more de-cluttering than usual. I realize after I'm done that clutter makes me edgy, anxious and I feel so much better when the surfaces are neat.

That got me to thinking about T's room. It's cluttered. (I forget what I said in my other reply..). I have wanted to ask to sit in her chair once, to see what she sees. She faces me on the couch and on that wall behind the couch is a huge framed painting of a peaceful garden scene. What I see is a wall of shelves full of toys--dozens and dozens--and one shelf is askew and has been the whole year+ that i've been going (and yes I asked if it was on purpose. lol), two tables, one with a plant that takes up the whole table and one that's covered with a lamp and some other object, a filing cabinet with the magnetic vinyl squares with faces on them showing different emotions, the doll house on top of that as if there's no place else for it, her desk which doesn't have a lot on it but isn't neat either. Then under the desk is a rug that's edges are curled, slats from the vertical blind that fell before I began therapy and still lay there, and her purse and her shopping bag(s). (always at least one shopping bag! No wonder she has so many clothes I think she must have a home with 50 closets!)

T is a calm and sturdy presence amongst these things. It seems like she and her demeanor are at odds with the room.

So I wonder if the clutter there affects me. I spend a lot of time looking at these things as if I can neaten them up with my mind. I've fantasized cleaning her room with her, talking and having our session as we had fun cleaning.

I wonder waht it would be like if her room was different.

I am finding peace and acceptance there regardless.
Maybe that's okay.
Maybe that's good.