It's been a few days since you posted this. Hopefully you've been able to continue to "hang in there". I think you mentioned, in a previous post, that you see a therapist & that you are taking some variety of psych medication. Hopefully you are able to talk openly & honestly with your therapist about how you feel.
I don't know as there would be any other suggestions I could offer. However here are links to 7 articles, from PC's archives, that perhaps can provide some insight:
When You Feel Absolutely Awful About Yourself—Regularly
Breaking Free from the Bonds of Badness
How to Stop Punishing Yourself
A Technique for Feeling Painful Feelings
8 Steps to Like Yourself (More)
https://psychcentral.com/guilt/
https://psychcentral.com/blog/when-y...ental-illness/
Best wishes... 
__________________
"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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