Hello welovesolitude: I see this is your first post here on PC so... welcome to Psych Central. I'm sorry you are experiencing so much difficulty. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support for you.

We here on PC cannot offer mental health diagnoses. Plus I'm not a mental health professional. So I can't suggest to you what may be causing what you are experiencing. I don't recall you mentioning if you're seeing a mental health professional... perhaps a therapist or psychologist. However working with a mental health professional is an important first step in figuring out what is going on with you & what to do about it.

Two things you mentioned thinking you may have are depression & anxiety. Here are links to these 2 forums, here on PC, just in case you haven't already found them:

https://psychcentralforums.com/depression/

https://psychcentralforums.com/anxie...c-and-phobias/

And then here are links to 5 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help:

Living with Depression: A Guide for Coping with Depressive Feelings | Psych Central

9 Ways to Reduce Anxiety Right Here, Right Now

15 Small Steps You Can Take Today to Improve Anxiety Symptoms

https://psychcentral.com/lib/top-10-...s-for-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-way...d-empowerment/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.