I understand what you’re saying but she suggested that phrase as one to avoid further exacerbating the situation, like not waving a red cape in front of a bullWow, it’s SO hard to strike the right balance for oneself in complicated situations like hosting a holiday dinner with multi generations that have a really touchy history. I keep things as simple as I can, but things seem to get more challenging as we get older and I want to interact with my grandkids but am at a loss as how to deal w my overextended grumpy son who is uber controlling. I talked to a online therapist s office about taking us but I am in one state and he lives in another. Therapy would be a big deal and I already have my hands full in my own life. It’s the dilemma of where to draw your boundaries- always complicated.