Sorry to hear you're struggling so. I can understand those feelings all too well. There have been huge changes in the understanding of, and treatment for, PTSD over the years. I hope you find something that works for you. For me, after years of kinda sorta helped but not really therapy (from social workers up to p-docs) - and multiple efforts with various meds, I found a med that helps me a lot (except for "the PTSD stuff") - which helped me hold on until I found a therapist who could help me with that. There is hope. I'm living proof of it.