Hi. Not sure what you mean by "too severely mentally ill in hypochondriac way". I know I have days (weeks, etc.) where I am simply unable to cope, and do many of the things you are talking about experiencing yourself. Best way I can describe it is, a way it was put to me - mental illnesses aren't a one-size-fits-all, same all the time, issue. They ebb, they flow, they exist on a sort of spectrum of severity, and so sometimes you might be ok, other days you're totally not. Make sense? Doesn't mean you are a hypochondriac. I am sorry you're feeling such guilt over the struggles you are going through. I hope you are able to find a therapist / pdoc, whatever it takes, who can help you with your struggles. Depression can be extremely debilitating, but try to believe that it doesn't have to be a life sentence, either. Sometimes it can be overcome, sometimes when it can't be overcome it can still be managed.