I have made some bad choices that have made my depression and anxiety worse than has ever been in my life. Due to constant thoughts about how i have made things the way they are in my life, what I have made others have to deal with my choices has made even more depressed and anxious. Dealing with being more depressed and anxious makes me think of making more? Based on how view things I guess? I tell myself this not really wanted it to. My life was ok, dammit. It's As if I can't save myself from myself. I had a job that was stressful had a chance to have things changed maybe for the better. Really what is I was at a point i was taking care of myself with my rescue dog better. I have let myself go. I don't like myself for all that I have done. I don't take off myself like I used to. I may shower every 5 days or more, don't get of bed until I have maybe 15 minutes to go to work, on my days off it is a struggle to get my dog out to go potty. I used to be top of all of it. I can't seem to make myself get better. I have seen counselors for over 7 months was told I see things black and white. I can't seem to stop seeing it that way. I know I am hard on myself but my brain keeps beating me up no matter what i do. I just don't see myself allowing myself to get any better. I had to share and get it out.