Greetings, Lbatti, and welcome. Sounds like you've been doing a ton of work thru therapy...and your reasons for coming here are exactly why I come, also. My therapy is my therapy, but here is my hang out, if that makes sense. Since you asked, a brief history on me - 1st psych hospitalization at age 17 (now 54) - so years of living with the struggle. Suicide attempts, lots and lots of different meds, different therapists and types of therapy. Can't say that what helps me will help you - all of our journeys are different, it seems.


However, what has helped me over the years: realizing that I, like you, am NOT "PTSD". Accepting that how I am, is because of things I've experienced. Things others have done TO me. Yes, those experiences shaped me. Trained me. Are part of what makes me, me. But it is NOT me. Accepting that I don't have to be any way I don't like to be. I don't have to be violent, depressed, suicidal. But when I am, I have to find, learn, and use tools to help me not be that way.


Techniques? Ah heck, that could be an all nighter discussion. Meds help me a LOT, because part of my being me is, body chemistry out of whack. Of course, finding the right med(s) was a very long road that took years. Most didn't help, some made things worse, finally one helped. EMDR therapy for PTSD. DBT therapy for BPD. Talking to others, like here, to not feel so alone. Learning to set boundaries. Learning to reach out for help / therapy when I felt I needed it. Most of those years I talked about, I wasn't in therapy. So that's part of it too - accepting that I don't have to always be in therapy; it's just another tool to use when I need it.

My thoughts on how you can improve relationships? Well again, I can only say what I do. Some relationships I determine just simply aren't worth the effort. Some people just don't belong in my life. For the relationships I do want to improve, I start by being open and honest about my own shortcomings and struggles...and that gets tricky. I won't always share all the details of everything with every one...but....if I know I have issues that are causing problems with a relationship, I find it helpful to let the other person know that *I* know, it's because *I* have issues. And I let them know I'm working on them. And I let them know I value the relationship, and I want it to continue, and improve.


Starting a new relationship is, as you both know (you too, raging vortex), hard. Trust issues? Oh heck yeah. So one thing I've also had to do is accept that sometimes, despite a longing I might have to start up new friendships, etc - sometimes I'm just not in the right place mentally / emotionally to do so. I've learned to give myself permission to put myself 1st, during those times. I tell myself, ok, not the right time, right now, but that can and will change.


Hope some of this makes sense. I don't pop in here on a regular basis, so don't expect instant responses from me....but will be happy to chat / message when I am here.