I think I'm okay enough to make it till Monday. At least I hope so.

The good part is, I haven't really been alone enough to really do anything. I go from work to home, and there's always someone around.

The thing is - I know I'm still not nearly as bad as I have been in the past, simply because I can talk myself out of this stuff. I start thinking...really stupid thoughts....but then I am still rational enough to think how all this would effect my daughter, my husband, my coworkers, everybody. I'm even rational enough to look up my life insurance and realize I haven't met the 2 year exclusion yet. That's not something I would be thinking of if I was as deeply depressed as I used to be, right. So I make myself snap out of it. But it doesn't stop the stupid thoughts.

Now if I could just FOCUS for a day or two and blow thru all this work...just get it done...then maybe next week I can finally relax. That might help.

I did sort-of tell my husband what's going on. Not entirely. Last night I just said "I think I'm getting depressed again". He didn't really say much. I think he just thinks its the stress from work and it will all get better in a couple weeks. I'm not so sure. I'm hoping maybe he remembers....2 years ago when I hit rock-bottom with postpartum depression and I actually drove myself to a psych hospital...and 4 years ago when he found me after my last actual attempt. I've been this way forever. At least since about age 10. It's not just temporary. Sure, things might settle down when I'm not as stressed with work, but I need to FIX this...I can't keep wishing it away. Some years are better than others but it keeps coming back and if I don't take care of it now...who knows how bad it could get.