I'm glad you're still with us. I'm at risk of this too because my mother either talked about or attempted suicide for as long as I can remember. In between, she talked about how much she hated life - and me, lol. None of us knew she was really sick with a dreadful disease because her type hadn't been discovered yet in this country. By the time she was diagnosed, I didn't believe her story of being the only person in the U.S. with this disease. It sounded too far-fetched. I attributed her physical problems to diabetes, though it had always been controlled well with diet and insulin.

I didn't find out until 5 years after she died that her rare disease was real, and that I have it too. It's terrifying sometimes because mom's last 10 years were horrible. There's no treatment or cure, not even on the horizon, and the disease only gets worse.

I really have to fight the urge to end it all now before it gets any worse. I HAVE to fight that urge, though, just like YOU have to fight the urge.

Your daughter needs you. The best gift you can give her is to show her how you are able to weather the storms in life. Even when you get knocked down, show her how you are able to recover and move on. As the song goes, "walk on through the wind, walk on through the rain, though your dreams be tossed and blown."

When thoughts of suicide enter your mind, consider them a silly fantasy - because you know it will create long-lasting disaster for the people you love. The fantasy can serve as a reminder of all the things that really DO give you joy in living. Take that time to go treasure hunting for your joys in life, regardless of how small they may be. If the urge gets to be too much, look closely in your daughter's eyes. She needs you.

Maybe your bouts with depression are also just a sign that some adjustments/changes need to take place in your life. You spend your day identified as wife, mother, and employee - not much time left for Razzleberry.