I’ve always had self love. I’ve always had [I]fairly[I] healthy interpersonal relationships. I’ve never had self hate, but I have gone so depressed and negative on myself that I had that raging voice in my head and beat myself up. I have allowed others to cause me harm. Sometimes, I got right out of a bad situation, but sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes, I eventually got out. With this marriage, I have gone back and forth and have stayed but still with one foot out the door.

I told him and told him what I need, I said it loudly and clearly, I went to therapists, we went together to therapists... nothing got through to get him to give me what I need. It is over the top out there that this happens. No one really believes it, tbh. But this is the situation. He triggers me and I have to learn to avoid that. I apologized to him for the insulting things I said to him. I am sorry for losing my cool. But, the unsolvable problem is real and I need to cope.

But, I’m not going to complain about him anymore. I am going to try to just be happy with myself.