Last week in my therapy group, I was triggered. Everyone is nice in group. I have a good group. But I still have social anxiety there and it likely shows a lot when I talk. I felt so lonely last week, and not part of the group. It was very sad for me. I cried a lot at home after. And no, I'm not saying what happened or details about it. This is just the gist.

Then the holidays came, and I just didn't get my homework done for this week for the group. I chose not to go today. I feel like I can't deal with my emotions there right now. I get dysregulated in group at times and I'm still processing last week and my feelings about group. It just didn't feel right to go, AND I was nervous to go. This is the first time in a long time I've felt this way, so nervous - then avoid, about a therapy group.

I was telling my therapist that I need to protect myself and my emotions in group. She agrees I think.

But she said I like this group, but that I'm not putting effort or energy into being friendly, and maybe I should, to get some if that back. I just don't want to be fake.

Thinking.....Rick Hanson, an author, psychologist and speaker, uses the term "start with the low hanging fruit." He means like if there's easier people to talk to, try them first. And there are.

I will journal about this.

I'd just felt I'd regressed back to a pattern. A deep pattern, by avoiding group today. I also felt unresolved, and didn't want to go to group that way. But maybe its just a setback. Like 1 step forward, 2 steps back. Or whatever the phrase is.

Im totally going to journal about this, again (lol, I already have, but its not resolved for me yet).