I couldn't seem.to find the words tonight to tell T what's going on. He said there's no rush to tell me everything, but I feel like I'm being dishonest to both of us if I don't. And I want to get it out of my head and talk about it without fear of being told I'm crazy or feeling like I'm too much. I told him I fear him freaking out and not letting me leave or ending therapy with me. He said he can't encourage me to hurt myself if that's what I'm looking for. I told him no, that I just want to get it out of my head to talk about it in a safe space without getting mocked for it but I fear it's too much and he'd have to ethically tell me to go to the hospital which is scary. I don't even know right now. I just wish I wasn't feeling this way.