I have felt like this many times. I was hospitalized (inpatient) 3 times, and have made an attempt before. Meds didn't help me either. What helped me the most was an outpatient program, a small group session led by a psychologist based on CBT. Depression is a heavy fog that prevents clear thinking. But please know that you belong on this Earth. Professional help can certainly feel like a waste of effort when you're at the bottom of that well, but no one can climb out of it alone. Please call someone as soon as you can, even if it's a crisis hotline.