So, when I was in my early 30s. I threw myself at men. I tried to manage my emotions and emotional pain through sexual behavior. Please do not judge me. I got rejected a lot and when I didn't, it was never enjoyable.


About 4 years ago this guy who I'd always liked, and he knew, asked me out. It was boring, and he was stupid and rude when we got coffee. But. Later that night I stupidly wrote stupid things to him through FB messenger. I told him I'd always wanted to sleep with him (I would never ever do that now). He never responded. I ended up blocking him.


He still lives in my area. I'm worried he might be at a mutual friend's party. It will be at a restaurant. With plenty of room to move. But I'm terrified I'll see him and feel immediate shame.


I'm so ashamed that I did that. He must have thought I was crazy. I remember first telling him I didn't see anything happening with us. And blocked him. Then I unblocked him to tell him I wanted to sleep w him. Truth is.....I may HAVE come off as crazy. I remember saying a lot. And him just not responding.


It was a weird situation. I remember unfriending him bc we never talked. The next day, like the next day, seemingly out of the blue was when he'd asked me out. This is all moot though.


I am just really worried to see him or run into him. My self esteem plunges and I feel deep shame. He has a gf now. Maybe he won't talk to me if he's there. That would be rad. He has mental health issues also.


I don't want to live with shame over my past forever. How do you get over shame? I want to go to this party. I don't want to be scared.


Kind replies only, please.