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It was a weird situation. I remember unfriending him bc we never talked. The next day, like the next day, seemingly out of the blue was when he'd asked me out. This is all moot though.
I am just really worried to see him or run into him. My self esteem plunges and I feel deep shame. He has a gf now. Maybe he won't talk to me if he's there. That would be rad. He has mental health issues also.
I don't want to live with shame over my past forever. How do you get over shame? I want to go to this party. I don't want to be scared.
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The fact that you're still worried about what this guy thinks about you 4 years later, is a sign that you care too much about what other people think of you. Don't live your life that way -- seeking validation for yourself through other people's opinions of you. That's no way to live. It's a sign that you were verbally or emotionally abused and that you may be codependent as a result of that abuse, when you can't self-validate but instead seek it outside of yourself.
Who cares if you run into him. It's been 4 years. Doesn't matter what's going on with his life. He hasn't included you in his life, so if your two paths cross it's not because of fate, it's just by coincidence. Who knows if he'd even acknowledge you or not. What will you accomplish by worrying about this "what if ---" scenario? Focus on yourself right now and what's going on with your life. Don't get distracted by your past. I find that it's easy to dwell on the past as a way to distract from pain that's happening right now.
I used to worry way too much about what other people thought of me. But now? Now, I could care less because the only person I have power over, is myself. We can't control others' perceptions of us, no matter what we do.
Will your life come crashing down if you cross paths with this guy who rejected you 4 years ago? Why give the past so much power over your life?