My post was not meant to hurt your feelings but I could sense from you, that you care way too much about other people's opinions of you. And you shouldn't care. The only person's opinion that matters, is your own.

If you like yourself, then what other people think of you really won't matter. I've been "programmed" too. And once I figured that out, I've tested the programmers (my family members) and they refuse to change my channel. That is, they refuse to allow me to change around them.

So, if I spend time with them, they will always treat me the same no matter how far I've come with self-esteem, with boundary setting, with assertiveness.

So, I wasn't judging you as much as observing some similarities between you and I. And I want to encourage you to stop caring what other people think. Easier said then done, but it can be done.

I understand your struggle with shame and social anxiety because I used to suffer from it. But not anymore, because now I know that people will think whatever they want to think about me, regardless of how I act or what I say with them.

The best way to get rid of shame and anxiety is to: decide what you're *not* responsible for (other people's behaviors, feelings, etc.), forgive yourself for past mistakes, set clear interpersonal boundaries with everyone (so you can decide what you're NOT going to allow to get to you). If you can practice these three things every day with people you will see a change.

The people who push back, are the people who refuse to acknowledge your growth, who don't like you changing for your own betterment. And there are a LOT of wolves in sheep's clothing. You'd be surprised. I learned this about people I've known for 20 years.

When I changed and presented my new self to them, they outright shunned and belittled me (their way of pushing back) to intimidate me to change back to the person I used to be, who cared what they thought, who was easily manipulated by their threats, their actions.

And then there are the FEW who treat me normally because they too are normal and don't need me for any manipulation or dysfunctional or toxic purpose in their life. Those people are as rare as a species going extinct. They are few and far between.

Most of the people we encounter, hope to manipulate everyone to be a character in their own story. It's the people who don't do that, who welcome you as your own character in their story -- those are the golden people you need.

Those are the people who come across as a gift, because they accept you for who you are and they actually inspire and uplift you, nurture your growth with positive feedback, and you never experience shame or anxiety around them because those are tools only weak, passive-aggressive people use against others they view as victims.