Hugs, Kit, I'm glad you were able to tell her. I'm not sure how I feel about her saying she felt like she was having a heart attack. That would make me feel guilty. And also might make me feel more reluctant to tell her in the future. Did you come up with any crisis plan besides calling her? It also seems like it could be better if she could give you a direct number to call, as having to call the answer service, then waiting for them to call her, then waiting for her to call back could take a bit of time. Did she offer up any other coping options/safety plan, like crisis line, other things to try, etc.?
Possible trigger:
And it's interesting you discussed whether you were potentially making the attempt because of feeling like you couldn't SH. Because to me, that might have felt like one of your coping mechanisms being taken away. And maybe fearing disappointing T and/or yourself. So you felt worse. It makes me think of the time earlier this year when I was torn between contacting my T, having another drink, or SHing. I was trying to reduce drinking, so in my head, SH almost felt like a better option. And I'd suspected I was close to the email threshold with T where I'd have to pay for his reply. So in my head, it was like, "It would be better to SH than to drink or contact him." But then I felt I shouldn't SH. I just felt stuck. And it was late at night, so no one IRL would have been available. Even contacting T, he wouldn't have replied till the next morning. But it can be weird how we can have sort of a hierarchy of "I don't want to do this thing" (in my case, drinking or else contacting my T, in yours, perhaps SH), so then we might resort to something that's considered worse just to avoid doing that. Like it might not seem logical to someone not struggling with depression or other mental illness, but can make total sense in the moment.
I hope you can stay safe...