Thanks @ArtleyWilkins for your response. I think that there's a lot of truth in what you say. Suicide has been on the table for me since I was 13 years old. At some point, I need to take it off the table. I know I'm not being completely honest with this T, I withhold a lot of stuff from my childhood from her etc. Not just thoughts of Sui. I did reach out to my former T who I had to stop seeing because she got MS. I emailed her this morning and let her know what was going on with me. And I'm sure tonight when I go to my friends house, we are going to have one of those "sit down" talks. Where she talks, and I listen. She's much older than me, so that's okay. I do have a PDOC. He is going to cash only after January 1 2020. The good thing about this is that he is not going to have 1000 patients anymore. (It literally takes two or three hours in the waiting room with a scheduled appointment from three months prior currently.) So it should be able to get into see him more easily after that point. Except that it is $200 a session. Cash only. So that kind of sucks. The receptionist is going to send me some information for the portal for him and stuff like that, so maybe there is a way to communicate with him if needed, IDK. Thanks for your thoughtful response. HUGS Kit