Is it possible she was trying to be honest with you in regards to how it made her feel because SUI people often feel like nobody will care if they die or that they will be better off without them? Maybe she was trying to show that she died. are and would be effected if you had succeeded in your attempt.

Neither of my Ts have used themselves as the example of this but long term T asked me once what I wanted her to say to my husband and children if I succeeded. They would want to know why I did it and why she didn't help me