I’m drowning, f***ing drowning. My pdoc still hasn’t shown up for days (I’m IP). Nurse got a phone script for me. I’ve taken 200 mg of Seroquel, and 2 mg of Lorazepam. Still very anxious, and irritable. I ended up sobbing when I found out pdoc wasn’t coming in, and my nurse was seemingly blasé about the level of my distress.

All day I’ve been communicating my distress but I’m a calm way so wasn’t taken seriously. This time I lost it and wept and ranted. I’m in trouble. I’m so close to acting. The nurses know this, but I still could sneak out. I’m just hoping the drugs knock me out before I get that far. I’m terrified. PTSD is hell.