Bpcyclist is 100% right on all counts. Be proud that you had the courage to reach out to the people of this forum when you're feeling this way; a lot of people would just curl up inside themselves and try to shove those feelings down with repression or substances. I imagine everybody here has felt like the only way to stop the pain was a permanent "solution" that isn't a solution at all. I've certainly been there more than once. There's a lot of help, support, and love here, but it isn't a substitute for an in-person counselor. And please make sure you have a crisis hotline number handy in case it gets really bad.

We're all here for you!