Quote:
Originally Posted by whatever2013
Had a very painful experience this morning when i went to a women's coffee social. They all chatted to each other about their holiday plans and i felt excluded. At least no one asked me about my plans and i didn't have to admit to being alone. One woman cried about being alone this holiday so visiting with her is an option but she can be very difficult and negative and i'm not sure i wouldn't rather be alone. I might ask her over for just half an hour mid-afternoon on Christmas. I'll see closer to the day. I'm at least aware that i can't make plans too far in advance.
I tried eat a healthy lunch as i am in Overeaters Anonymous (OA). I had veggies and dip and got diarrhea for my trouble. Even when i try and eat healthy it still doesn't work out. I was so discouraged by that and the dreary morning that i binged this evening. I couldn't even make eye-contact with the convenience store staff as i bought a big bag of chips and six chocolate bars. Today would have been my ninth day of abstinence. At the moment i'm not sure i even have the desire for abstinence. I kept the leftovers so it would seem not.
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I am sorry you are hurting today and felt excluded. I used to have an eating disorder, primarily anorexia, but when I was dealing with recovery I ended up flipping into bingeing sometimes. I felt a lot of shame about it. I think the biggest thing that kept me in that loop was the cognitive distortion that if I messed up once I messed up completely and might as well not bother even trying and all previous success didn't matter. I would binge a little, then be like screw it and give up totally. Slowly shifting that thinking helped me recover. I would say to you that 8/9 days is an 88.8%! That is not a bad "grade" at all and far better than the 0% if you hadn't had the success of the past 8 days. You're not perfect and neither is anyone else, so try to offer yourself a little compassion and focus on how well you did in the days leading up to today. That means you could go another 8 days or even 9 this time. You definitely have it in you.
