Thank you so much everyone for your thoughtful replies--this community really is wonderful

In a strange twist of fate, my mom called me last night sounding like absolute crap and said that she's sick with pneumonia and she really wants to see me but is afraid of getting me sick so maybe I'd like to visit another time? *phew* I'm sorry that she's sick, of course, but I'm so relieved that I'm saved from having to either hurt them or sacrifice my sanity. Mark my words, next time I go home I am NOT STAYING WITH THEM GOSH DARN IT. I've learned my lesson--much better to make that the plan from the beginning than to change it later. And I'd booked the airplane ticket with frequent flyer miles so I'm only out $125 for the "redeposit fee" to put the miles back in my account (which is still a rip-off, but not nearly as bad as it could have been for a round trip cross-country flight in December).

Regarding my T, I was fascinated by everyone's different opinions regarding his approach to this issue! I get frustrated with his somewhat behaviouralist tendency to only "reward" actions that he believes to be healthy/right/good, so I'm primed to read his words that way. I believe that he cares about me and has my best interests at heart, but I also sometimes find his approach to be overly rigid or just plain weird.

Anyway, thank you everyone