When I tell you about finalizing my last will and you don’t ask questions or ever follow up, that hurts. When you snapped at me when I reacted to your negative countertransference, then you lied about it, it was like a repeat of my childhood trauma. When I admitted I’ve started restricting food intake and losing weight quickly for the first time in my life as a slow, torturous form of self harm/sui because I feel I need to be punished for triggering you, and you responded by saying you weren’t gonna try to stop me, it makes me feel like you don’t care if I die. When a supposed trauma expert is getting paid to treat me like this, it solidifies my feelings of worthlessness. When all logic suggests I should leave the relationship and other professionals suggest the same, but I can’t because of traumatic attachment and because you had a big negative reaction when I was hesitant to come to a session once because of this stuff, I feel trapped. When you say you’ll respond to my email on a specifically agreed upon day but don’t, I wishfully check my email all day in anticipation, then cry myself to sleep at midnight, alone and empty-handed. I feel like this is how disorganized attachments and personality disorders are made. I wish you sought supervision, and I wish you’d tell them the truth so they could help both you and us.