Thread: Ghosted grrrrr
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Old Dec 07, 2019, 05:48 PM
Serpentine Leaf Serpentine Leaf is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2019
Location: Mid Atlantic
Posts: 166
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thirty shades View Post
We are not responsible for other peoples behaviour. This has happened to me too in the last few days. The friend has mental health issues and was not themselves. I have empathy and compassion for them but this should not mean that I don't consider my own needs. They were very mean, unjustly so and have caused much distress.

I am not going to say anything more to them. They have made their bed, so to speak.

From what they have confided in me of previous relationships with family or friends, this treatment of others is a pattern. I think in the past I afforded too much empathy having now experienced this side of them. They are good at twisting events to make themselves look innocent. Now I wonder if all the stories were true. I now see why so many people leave their life. Some come back because they continue to accept their health with too much compassion.

I feel conflicted as to what I would do, if they were to call again. For my own self respect, it would be best to ignore as the trust has been eroded. That would make me a bad friend though

Maybe some of us have a problem putting ourselves first. It might be time to start doing that for me. Do you feel that would be right for you too Fuzzybear?

It doesn't at all make you a bad friend to set boundaries. If you don't protect yourself, then who will? If the person is sincerely sorry and makes visible efforts to change, that's one thing. But when someone gives half-hearted non-apologies, tries to put the blame on everyone but themselves, and makes no effort at reform, then you have to take a step back. When you love someone, it's far easier to see the pain they feel than the pain they cause, but some distance might help. Please don't beat yourself up for treating yourself as a human being deserving of respect!

Hugs to you, thirty Shades.
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
Thanks for this!
Fuzzybear, Thirty shades