Hello!
I've been newly diagnosed "Schizoaffective Disorder: Bipolar Edition", and I've been a little nervous to talk to anyone about it. I am receiving help, and am fairly capable of handling myself so I'm not afraid on that front. My psychiatrist says that I'm very good at managing myself, and that I was employing reframing therapy on my own already. I'm looking for long term treatment therapeutically for my experiences, but it still feels so unreal.

I don't hear voices, but I sense presences (Often malicious), and experience really intense and vivid, almost intrusive imagery in my head? I've spent a fair amount of my life feeling bugs all over my body (I thought it was normal, so I didn't talk to anybody about it. That's a whole story to explain.), but more recently it's gotten really bad (I lived in an apartment for a year that was infested with bugs and had to sleep in a bed which was infested and it was just, a lot to deal with. It made me realize the sensations were completely indiscernible from the real thing.) which sparked me reaching out for help. The doctor approved me to try my plan for care (Talk-therapy first, and if that doesn't alleviate the bug sensations, then I'll try medicine.), but it still just feels weird to use the term "Schizoaffective Disorder". I always figured that you had to actually physically SEE and HEAR the hallucinations to be diagnosed with that kind of thing. The sensations of bugs are really vivid, though, so that part makes sense. I also experience delusions of grandure (Where I feel in my lil' heart of hearts that I'm a creature from outside of this reality, or that I'm famous, ect..) and delusions of paranoia where I think everyone around me hates me/is disgusted by me if they aren't explicitly being positive towards me. Even so, I know cognitively that the experiences aren't real, and it's just very exhausting emotionally. It's like I've been strapped into a ride and even though I know I won't fall off, the twists and turns still feel like I'm gonna fall off, and one part of my brain is trying to tell the other to stop screaming about it. You know? I think the bipolar portion of the diagnosis is because I sometimes have restless spells of activity where I can't, for the life of me, sleep. My brain has to Do The Thing and I end up just kind of stuck inside the passenger seat making plans to keep it from wrecking my general schedule.

I guess what I'd like to ask is, was anyone else surprised to get the diagnosis? Was anyone else worried about trying to talk to other people about it? I have some solid people I'm comfortable talking about it with, and I have reached out to my circle, but it's not really a diagnosis I want to shout to the rooftops. Does my experience sound like the real deal, or is it possible that what I'm experiencing isn't Schizoaffective? I'm going to get a second opinion from my therapist when I get one (Already sent the email to my doctor, so I'm on top of my treatment plan.), but it still feels weird. I know it shows up differently for everyone, and it won't look the same way in two different people, but a lot of resources mention hearing voices, and I just don't hear voices. I've been reading up on it.

Also, it's nice to meet everyone!