It may take as long as it takes but I want it done faster. He knows this is a long going issue for me.

He will probably say ok well then go back on your meds. I have been off for almost 2 weeks now and it brings out a lot of my negative controlling parts. I am being stubborn and want to prove I can get by without the meds. I actually want my abusive parts to come out again because they are mean and push me to work harder.

I am starting to spiral which ai guess is why I want my T to be more like my abusive parts. It doesn't change the fact that I still want him to start being brutally honest with me. I guess I feel that way I will at least know where I will stand. Secretly I also want him to tell me my life is not that bad and I should suck it up and move on. I know that thought was triggered by a recent post on that topic.