I guess in a way I am asking him to replicate part of my trauma. Now that I think about it I have asked him to do this in multiple ways in the past. Some of my parts contribute to my "hurry up and done" desires. I also don't want to become dependent on my T. I see too much of that on this forum and it scares me. I know I am asking for something against the norm that is why I was wondering if anyone else ever feels the same way or has any suggestions on how to accomplish my desire.

Although I want to get better, I also struggle all the time with wanting to quit and accepting that there is anything really wrong with me in the first place. I REALLY want my T to tell me there is no real reason for me to come any more. The only reason I have not quit is because I fear that I will go down the tubes quickly and we have discussed that I would lose my end of the day appointment times and with my work schedule that is the only time I can go. If could take years for me to get my timeslot back. My brain goes back and forth about it all the time. Maybe that is another reason I want to be done NOW. If he would fire me or tell me it is useless, that would solve all of my issues for me.