Thanks so much everyone! I'm so glad a place like PC exists!

I took it one step forward today. I told the owner of the company about my depression (I didn't go into the fact that I had made an attempt) but I said that I am undergoing treatment, on meds, keeping all my appointments etc. But I also said that the possibility of hospitalization is there. I told her I would give her as much notice as I could if that were the case, but that obviously in those situations, there may not be a lot of notice. She was very kind. She said my health is more important than work and if I need to go to the hospital, then go to the hospital and she will take care of what needs to be taken care of at work, even if it means flying out here from NY to CA. She also shared that she had struggled with depression for 14 years until she and her health provider *finally* found the right medication and it just clicked for her. She told me I'm not alone. It was really quite comforting. I also talked a little more to the controller and told her how bad it has gotten (though I left out the attempt part). She too was very comforting and telling me that I'm not alone, etc. I take my work very seriously and I just don't want to lose this job or something if I were to get hospitalized. I did miss 9 days of work before (but not at this job) due to suicidal thoughts. The psych doctor at the hospital wouldn't admit me but the ER doctor saw I was in a lot of distress. So he wrote me off of work for 5 days so I could get into see my T, Pdoc and Neurologist. Then when I went to work to hand in the slip, one of the big bosses was there and he was like, honestly Kit, you don't seem like you are well enough to be here. Take some vacation time if you would like, so I ended up with nine days off and then I was ready to go back to work. I feel like the hospital is more of an option now if I need it because it wouldn't totally blindside my bosses and they would have a plan to take care of getting my job done if needed. I feel.....relieved.....HUGS Kit