“There are things that can bond stronger than love, and that’s trauma… her exit was just one more way he was walked on.” – Lundy Bancroft

My black eye, which caused obvious humiliation to where I was gonna check into Family Abuse Center

The time you choked me until I vomited

The time you keyed my car

The time you ran your car into my bumper

The time you had me in the choke hold

The time you beat me with your high heel

The busted lips

The slaps to the face

The time you further destroyed my car

The times you humiliated me at work

The time you slapped me in public on La Salle in front of the liquor store

The time you were fighting for my wallet in the Grove Computer Lab

The times you choked me until your nails cut into my neck

The time you bit me until I bled

The time you bust my nose and I bled on your bed

The times you straight up punched me in the jaw

The time you spit on me and called me a *****

The time you put the knife to my neck and cut me on my chest

The times you’d choke me and all I would repeat is “I love you , I love you , I love you”

The times you said you’d kill me

The times you put the pillow over my face and smothered me

The times I let you in my apartment only to get my **** destroyed

The times you kicked me and kicked me

The times you punched me and punched me

The many times I flinched at your moves

The times I beat myself up for not being able to provide for you , like when I pawned my Xbox

The times I was HUMILIATED by my own family for remaining in the relationship

The times my coworkers said you control me

The time you had me bawling just to take you on a Six Flags date

The times you would clearly stare at dudes at Six Flags and I said nothing

The time you forgot my birthday and assumed another man gave you flowers and cards

The time you humiliated me in front of your neighbors and Destinee. Then said I was lying. Yeah that time you had sex with two guys in one day BEFORE my birthday that you forgot about

The time you had me walk to work from Our Breakfast Place

The time when I HAD to buy a car cuz I couldn’t rely on you….yet I was taking you to Smoothie King and Fuego every day.

The time I made sure you got to your grandma for the cruise…AND paid for your dolphin pics.

The times we would be broken up and you came to me for car repairs..

The times we would be broken up and I’d ALWAYS take you back



The times you refused to cut people off

The time we went to Scruffy’s and you was ALL up my my homie’s

face…..BEFORE you told me the dude I just dapped was the dude you ****ed near my bday..

The time when you felt it was right to go out with your racist Law school friend, when you KNEW I was at home hurting..



The time you couldn’t say you loved me in front of the ppl you THOUGHT was your friend.

I think that’s enough for you to remember or realize how you made me feel at times. Unwanted, garbage. But I stayed because of the high moments and my intense love for you. Why else would I endure all that abuse? Your beautiful voice, your childish demeanor, your style in clothes, the way you love cartoons, the way you love animals, your beautiful eyes and smile, the connections we had to where we could almost read eachother mind’s, the few times I felt you loved and cared for me, your ambition , the giddiness you’d get when discussing our business plans, the new things in life you introduced me to… I can go on and on about our good times. And all the times I DID NOT press charges for your abuse… How could I ? I deserved the abuse right? It was all my fault. It was what I assumed is normal. It’s what I said I had to endure to marry you. I thought it was just a phase. I thought things would be normal again when I moved in . I am truly sorry that I let myself go and started to verbally abuse you and make things worse. I truly am . You KNOW I wasn’t like that at all. I hate that I couldn’t be the one to lead us both to change our paths and get help. I hate that I didn’t turn out to be the one for you, like I said I was. I went from “the best thing that ever happened to me” to “I wish I never met you” , after allllll that abuse. I would never say that to you . Not even now when I realize that situation I was in . I guess this was just a way to get you to face your demons….. but we all know that’s not what you do . You wont accept responsibility like I’ve done. I KNOW where I went wrong, but do you know where you went wrong? Do you even care? Smh you are the strongest drug I’ve ever had, and it will be hell to rid you from my brain . Just please do me a favor and get help…. That’s IF you even want it. Though you may have skipped the grieving process , thus your super quick rebound, I hope and pray you come to the point to face what you did to me. Embrace it, accept it, and learn from it. All in all, Im not even mad… cuz this whole relationship SHOWED how much I cared and was willing to endure to get you that house bigger than your Nana’s and uncles… To get us married.. Guess it wasn’t enough though .. Again , sorry for everything and being the victim. Sorry I loved you so much. So much that you REFUSE to acknowledge what I did for you and went through.

Farewell and well wishes