lil_bit, I am just now reading your post--I am sorry I was not here to support you. I can relate to the loss of a loved one, although not a brother. My brother in law committed suicide....we were close and it was difficult for me to go through. It is still difficult, but time has made it a little better. This may be too triggering for you...but, I sat down and wrote a good bye letter to him. I shared how I felt and told him how much I loved him. It kinda helped me let go a little.