So, the last time I ever saw a psychiatrist (or even a therapist) is back in 2016. I was in some sort of rehabilitation program for mental health, but I was terminated because I skipped too many appointments with my therapist and didn't keep in contact with my case manager (and therefore wasn't allowed to see my psychiatrist).

However, now that I've graduated from college, I need a job, but I'm realizing that I'm running into the same old problems I had before, which is being able to hold on to a job without having a breakdown or losing motivation due to a depressive episode.

The only thing I'm doing right now is meditating (and not consistently) and using a therapy app (I go back and forth between Youper and Wysa).

What's holding me back from seeking help is that I'm afraid my mother and, especially, my sister will judge me for it. My mother has always judged me for seeking help in the past and my sister is judgemental about everything (although she won't admit it). I live with them by the way. So, I have two roommates.

What should I do? The answer is probably obvious, but there's so much pressure on me to deliver after graduating. I'm going to have to pay back student loans very soon. I just hate the thought of them being nosey and wondering where I'm heading off to or (in my sister's case) hoping to tag along, thinking I'm going somewhere fun.

I don't have a single family member who isn't judgemental when it comes to the whole mental health thing. In the past when I brought it up I would get the eye roll or the head shake or the look of disappointment.

Should I just not care and just go for it? I mean, I feel I won't be able to progress otherwise.