I’m glad you are alive. She did you a favor in letting you go. Do not ever go back to her! I’m glad you know to put the word “love” in quotes, because we all know the relationship was not love at all, it was abuse. You fell into it because you survived prior trauma. Therapy should help you through this and learning what healthy looks like.

I have only emotional abuse, never physical. It’s really the same thing, only more insidious.

Welcome to PC! I suggest you read the scholarly articles about toxic people and relationships.