Yeah I have fantasies. No, they are not appropriate to share here, lol. BUT for the sake of the post, I will dig up some of my lovely, more appropriate fantasies.

The hug fantasty never goes away. Even today when he was holding my hand, I was completely fantasizing that he would reach out and just hold me.

You know how T always gives me stuff like books and CDs and essays and all that? Well I have this ongoing fantasy that one day he will say, "I have something for you" and reaches into his bag and takes out a teddy bear.

Last session T mentioned something to the effect of, "I want to go to your doctoral graduation and....." I don't know if he was serious or not, but I imagine myself in 6 or so years, graduating with my Psy.D. (still his patient of course) with T in the audience, all proud. Part of that fantasy includes at some point being able to tell him how much I owe where I have gotten, to him. I literally do not think I would have even been able to sit through my doctoral interview explaining my understanding of the therapeutic process, if it hadn't been for my work with him. I would like to tell him that someday.

MissCharlotte, I think your fantasy is absolutely precious. Now that you see him as constant (knowing that his nameplate will always be there) you would like to see yourself as a constant part of him-- with your name always there, too. Don't worry-- name or not, you have done a much bigger thing by internalizing him and taking the risk to tell him some of those fantasies.