I'm not suicidal/in crisis right now, but things are really black and I don't see the light.

I had a horrible year for school and work. I was in a deep depressive phase after going through a breakup and moving. My income this year was half what it was last year, because I kept calling out sick. I failed 3 of the 5 classes I took this semester. I haven't saved any money, I've been living with my mom, I'm barely scraping by.

My mom gets married this month, and then she's moving. Living with her will no longer be an option, so my sister and I were planning to get an apartment. I didn't have any money saved up, but since I failed school this semester, I'm dropping out next semester to save money. So I decided to sell the expensive, $1500 laptop I had bought for school to put a deposit down on the apartment.

I met with someone to sell it. It was a public place, but that didn't matter. I was stupid, I should have met with him at a police station, but I didn't know that was an option till later. He was a clean-cut, friendly guy. No red flags. He checked out the laptop, I showed him it works. He said he was an artist and was excited to use the touch screen for graphic design. He asked to see the charger. I handed it to him to inspect.

Next thing, he pulls a gun out of his pocket, points it at my chest and laughs. I slowly registered that he wasn't wearing a mask, and I was certain he was going to kill me. But he just says "Get in your car, drive away, or I'll shoot you." And like a robot, I did.

I completely froze. I didn't react at all. I saw the gun as it came out of his pocket, saw him cock it back, saw him raise it. There was a good 30 seconds to react, but I did nothing. I just froze and stared at it. And he ran off laughing with the last thing of value that I own. I would have thought I'd react better. I conceal carry, I could have gone for my own gun. But I didn't. I could have done something to protect myself. But I didn't.

The cops made sure I knew how stupid it was to meet a stranger. I told them I knew it was risky, but I was so desperate to sell that computer. They took down the info but made it clear there's probably not much they can do. I'm just completely numb. I have about $20 to my name, and I'm going to be forced to ask to borrow from my family or be homeless. I know I'm lucky to be alive, people have been killed for less. But I don't feel lucky. I feel helpless and stupid. I feel like the universe is giving me the finger and I don't know what to do now.