Hello all let me explain saying I hate pedophiles and don’t want anything to do with them, but my intrusive thoughts recently have been giving me thoughts otherwise.
Please help me, god please help from this... Do I have pure-OCD? Or am I a monster?
Am I pedophile in denial or is it POCD, or even a fetish?
Hello all, right now I am 15. I am struggling with what I hope is just POCD. Basically this story starts when I was 12,
Possible trigger:
I never seen a girl’s genitals(non-women) before so i was very curious. I looked up search terms such as nudism, puberty in girls, and naked girls.(ages 2- 14)( I had to rub my penis to achieve an erection or else I wouldn’t be turned on) I only wanted to see the genitals at first didn’t want to see anything else, the girls were sometimes 5-10 years younger than me, The first time I felt really guilty and grossed out with my self. So I made a pledge never to masturbate to naked girls again, but I broke that pledge multiple times. I masturbated to pictures of naked girls and focused only on the genitals multiple times during the 2018 year, and later in 2018 I began to get curious about boy’s genitals(mainly of ages 2-8) so I began masturbating to those pics of nudist boys as well. (I always had to rub my penis to achieve erection as well.) It went away for a short time considering I had a girl friend and she was pretty hot, but when she broke up with me I began to masturbate to pictures of naked children doing normal activities for their age and focused on the genitals. I wasn’t turned on by them, I always had to rub my penis to achieve an erection. I NEVER wanted to have a sexual romantic relationship with a child or have sex with them. But after that month I began to stop masturbating to those pictures and started watching adult porn, and hentai, and MLP and pokeporn. And those pictures of children didn’t arouse me, they never did in fact. I always thought children’s genitals were boring and too small but I still don’t know why I kept masturbating to the pictures. But now I remember those times I get disgusted, guilty, nauseous, and suicidal of all times. I began to check to make sure I wasn’t aroused by children, and I never was turned on by them, even by the nudist pictures. I started to avoid looking at anything that had to do with a child or had a child in it. I always would look away and I would always lock myself in my room too avoid being near children. The thought of being a pedophile disgusts me, and reading about the horrible things they do frightens me and gives me nightmares or makes me sick. I am afraid I was always a pedophile back then but now changed into liking women, I won’t masturbate to anyone under 13 years old now
and am addicted to adult porn, mainly BBW, Hentai, and granny porn. Sometimes gay, incest, and MILF porn or gifs of big boobs bouncing do it for me. Sometimes Pokemon and MLP as well. I don’t want to become a pedophile and the very thought of it disgusts me and makes me nauseous. So I keep telling myself I am not a pedophile, but I’m starting to feel otherwise. I just want help,
and I can never get rid of those times. I don’t desire children either, I am afraid of them sorta. Am I a pedophile or no? I would rather die than be one, kids don’t even turn me on. And I am afraid I might get the urge to look and masturbate to those pictures again, I wouldn’t ever want to repeat those times. I am so scared I am attracted to children I don’t even know what to do anymore, I avoid children, won’t do anything after a child, I don’t even look at children. And I think they are annoying. Please help me... I cannot take this anymore