Kit, I have some concerns about your Pastor T. I've had a pastor who was also a therapist, so I'm not unfamiliar with that scenario. It isn't the fact that he is a pastor that concerns me. Perhaps it is coming from your particular denomination, but the message he is giving you is not that of a grace-filled God and I worry that the message is that your thoughts and actions are unforgivable because of his statement: "That is is an unacceptable behavior and see what God says to me."

Granted, my pastor therapist ironically probably spoke less directly about religion and spirituality than any therapist I ever had. But if he had spoken about my thoughts of suicide from a faith perspective, his message would not have been judging, nor would it have been a message that I would be judged by God; rather, it would have been a message about God understanding and having abundant grace for those who are suffering and to simply go to my faith to find some peace and gracious spiritual support. (I know this may be too specifically religious for PC, but I hope moderators will recognize I am responding to someone who is working from a religious therapy standpoint and let it pass.)

I do think he is being honest about being over his head in working with you. A therapist who does not know how to work with a complex diagnosis can create more problems than benefits. Perhaps it is time to consider relegating your relationship with your pastor to church and religious activities and keep your mental health services in the hands of a therapist who is better equipped to handle the complexity of your issues. You don't have to completely cut off contact with your pastor, but perhaps boundary it to your religious interactions.

I am also concerned about him asking you to utilize friends to monitor your suicidal tendencies. That may be asking too much from your friends. My therapists wouldn't have even expected that much from my spouse; people this close to you have a hard time being objective and that can create problems where you really just need to directly contact your mental health providers for those kinds of decisions.