^^^^ There is no way to know whether you even have any idea who this guy really is because of the drug factor. Take if from a longtime expert on cocaine. It seriously messes with your head. People seem to still think that, as long as you're not shooting it or doing crack, cocaine is a harmless little white powder. Well,, it isn't. And especially for someone with self-esteem issues, it can be just brutal. Please don't use cocaine again. If you are looking for a thrill, get a good helmet and learn how to ride fast on your bike. Ever gone 60 KPH on a good bicycle? That will get your attention! You're in Canada, go skiing or boarding. Run a wild river. Run or walk a marathon. Save money and travel to the scariest rollercoaster on earth and ride it again and again. Train for and do a triathlon--there are some good ones in your country.

There are lots of ways to get thrills. Drugs are a very destructive one. Sex can be, too, IMO.

All of which is to say, I have no idea where this guy's sober head would be because you also weren't sober. That would be a great place to start, karissa. Sending you support. You are a good person. You have great value. Don't let other people walk all over you.