Good news and bad news for me today. The bad news is that I had a major blowup at home today fueled by paranoid thinking. I took a nap right after, and when I woke up, I was horrified that the blowup, my meanness and rudeness actually happened. (It felt as if I was drunk and did something horrible, passed out and then woke up in a panic to find out that it was really real...that I did that and now have to live with myself and face the music.) I didn't even want to go downstairs and face my dear stepmom!

And then a wonderful thing happened! The nurse called me and said that my PsychPA would get me started on Lithium! (I had said no about it before because I had some issues about the blood drawing and thinking it would be very often and I didn't want to have to ask my stepmom to do even more things for me like taking me back and forth there and any other places I would need to go involved with that like picking up orders for blood draws and maybe having to go to the pharmacy for dosage changes.) Yeah, I'm looking too far ahead and we're only given 1 day at a time to deal with, so I'm going to try and stay there! Anyway, now I was desparate and called yesterday asking please to put me on it!!!

So now, although horrified and humiated and sorry about my behavior, at least I could go downstairs now and apologize to my stepmom(Does that make 100 times now???) and tell her that I was taking real steps to get better, that I was going on Lithium.

So that's my check-in report! I hope you are all doing well!