Yesterday the anxiety and terror eased off. I am assuming that is the Haloperidol, and Lorazepam. I still feel very anxious and agitated but not at the dangerous levels. To get exercise I have been pacing the corridors as I can barely read due to poor concentration. Bad news is my eyes are starting to go fuzzy so I am going to have to stop Haldol today or tomorrow. I worried nothing else will work as well leaving me options.

See my T today. it's been three weeks sine I last saw him as I wasn't allows out of hospital, and he isn't allowed in as he is not linked to this hospital. We will have soooo much to cover I am trying to work out where to begin. I guess I will come in with a list of options and see which one he sees as most helpful for today.

I made a hair appointment for a anti-frizz treatment. It is expensive but considering all the products I use now to try to calm my frizzy hair it may actually not be that expensive overall to have the treatment as the products I have been using are costly also. . It should last two months. My frizzy 'cat lady hairstyle is crushing my self esteem. I am sure it is a side effect of either Lamictal, or Lithium, I am no longer on Lamictal and the new growth is a lot straighter. I am also on Lithium which can do it too. Just when you hot that perfect combo stuff like this happens and you have to choose sanity over vanity.

I miss my beloved ocean. We are in the middle of a long heatwave(not that I can tell being cooped up in hospital. Temperures are getting up to 40'C (around 110'f I think). Perfect beach weather for early morning and sunset swims. I am trying to convince my parents to take me to the beach tomorrow. They have a busy day. I have one friend who offered to go out with me but my pdoc only trusts my parents to keep me safe. This is odd as they are my main trigger.They are also having to take me to see my T as my pdoc doesn't trust me going alone or with someone Somehow I WILL find a way to go for a swim soon. It is the best therapy for me.

I just re-read my post and saw all the errors. Pease let me know if I didn't make sense in parts. More importantly My Mum told me yesterday afternoon that my Dad is seriously depressed. His decline into depression began when I got ill again about 2 months ago. My um looks a mess too. I feel so guilty . The nurses have been reassuring me that its not my fault. Still, it feels that way.