Doesn't sound like you have a great relationship with your T.

I'm much more comfortable talking to T and L about things. My Pdoc is happy go lucky and just doesn't seem to take things seriously. I'll tell her about my sui thoughts and she'll shake her head and tell me no. Like that's going to make them stop. I had a much better relationship with ex-Pdoc. She was much more serious, but still could laugh if it was appropriate. I miss her very much. But even with her, it was easier to talk to T than her.