The big problem was his binge drinking at first and I did not know he had cheated on me until he had stopped drinking and was sober for about 6 years. He was not going to tell me but there were things going on in our life where it would have come out. It was a terrible thing for me to find out that so many other people knew I didn't. I also had to deal with how his guilt came out in how he treated me badly at times and I learned how that is what guilt can do.

I wanted to believe he would never cheat on me and that he really loved me and I could trust him. I wanted a man I could feel "safe" with that way. I was ok with him not being perfect, it was important to me that he love and respect me. Part of the love I had for him was based on trusting him not to disrespect our marriage and cheat on me with some other woman.

I felt ashamed that I did not find out sooner and that I chose to trust someone that failed to respect me the way I had thought he would. Also, the fact that he continued to keep what he did a secret from me for so long, that too was bad for my relationship and thinking I married someone I could trust.

I think that once a person cheats like that, it forever changes that deep trust and sense of safety because that other person has just proven they are capable of being selfish and disrespectful. Truth is, I have had to bear the burden of being hurt for my entire life. Truth is, we never forget life experiences that hurt us. That saying is true "We may not remember exactly what someone said, but we never forget how that person made us feel".

It's not wrong that you were deeply hurt. It can definitely be a struggle when it comes to continuing to love someone that hurt you so deeply. I think each person varies when it comes to forgiveness and deciding to continue to love someone that failed to respect something clearly important to them.